If you need Christmas spirit this is not the place to find it. If you have extra, please feel free to share.
Obviously I didn't learn something from last Christmas. See here and here if you'd a review. We started off pretty good. We got Mychel here early to surprise her dad for his birthday. December 15th is a rough day to have a birthday...early in our marriage it was finals, there is often a Christmas party on it, it just easily gets lost in all the other holiday happenings. I'm at less than 50% for making it a special day. This year since it fell on a Wednesday, ie scout night, Mychel and I hatched a plan to throw a surprise party at church. Then we found our Gary's parents should be arriving on his birthday...Perfect! or so we thought.
Within hours of arriving Bea (Gar's mom) was in the emergency room. A few hours later she was admitted. Friday morning they tell us they think she's had a heart attack. Now we're waiting for a heart cath on Monday. Not the warm, cozy, relaxed family filled Christmas I'd been dreaming of. Now our days revolve around waiting for news and driving back and forth to the hospital. The good news is that she is looking a little better each day and we are so grateful that we can visit many times a day and help Bea rest a little easier knowing we're looking after Bill (Gar's dad).
Christmas baking may become New Year's baking. Christmas cards will hopefully be sent out before the New Year. Maybe we'll go with Russian New Year for our Christmas presents. I know in the scheme of things none of that really matters. It's just that since our first Christmas without Nathan, Christmas has become a time filled with emotional landmines for us. Gratefully, each year it's gotten a little better. I was ready to really feel Christmas again, to give my children the traditions we've only had hit and miss over the last six years, and to live in this moment and feel joy.
Obviously Heavenly Father has other plans, so I will trust we will have the Christmas we need. Even if it's not the one I was dreaming of...