The Song of My Soul

Less than two months after our son was killed we were scheduled to leave for our long awaited romantic honeymoon (15+ years in the making). We'd hoped to do it at our 10 year anniversary, but instead we were in the throws of adopting our sons. We didn't mind postponing it. So we booked our dream trip to Hawaii 6 months out. After August 25th we were left with the choice to cancel and lose everything or go. Our families rallied and convinced us to go. It took every fiber of my strength to leave my children, but I knew I need go...for Gary, for them, for me. While it wasn't the trip we planned. It was peaceful. It was beautiful. It was healing. And we were introduced to Iz. I've always loved the song: Somewhere Over the Rainbow, but listening to his version as we cruised around the island in a convertible brought it to a whole new level. I've also always loved the Shaker hymn, Simple Gifts, but in the last few months it's become my theme song. When I feel overwhelmed or start to let life make me crazy...it pulls be back. My boys are so sweet and let me hit replay over and over in the car on the MoTab CD on Sundays. So when the Piano Guy's new video popped up on facebook...how could I resist. I hope it speaks to your soul too!

I testify this is true!

Source: spirituallythinking.blogspot.com via Tara on Pinterest

Why we've added Lent to our Easter traditions...

When our children were younger the Easter bunny always came to our home on Saturday so Sunday was all about the Savior. As I was pondering how to make Easter more meaningful now our children were older and especially thinking of Mychel being home with us as she prepares for her mission, I remembered my sister, Kathy. While she was at BYU she shared with me that she's given up chocolate for Lent. I seriously thought she was crazy, at first. Mind you she's my much younger sister...awesome, supportive big sis move, huh!

So I gathered my thoughts and for a FHE in February I proposed we prepare for Easter:

Spiritually

Our stake president had challenged our stake to read the Book of Mormon and finish by General conference...so this one was already in motion.

Personally

By doing our own version of lent which was choosing something to give up for 40 days...

in essence a 40 day fast.

Physically

By cleansing 40 areas of our home.

In their wisdom, my awesome family jumped on board.

Tonight after eating our Easter dinner and watching some videos about the Savior,  we shared our feelings about our Easter preparations. I personally found it a wonderful opportunity to strengthen my spirit. Every time I physically wanted to partake of the thing I'd chosen to give up for 40 days, I immediately thought, no, you're doing this for the Savior. It made my sacrifice powerful because nearly daily I was prompted to think of the Savior and His atonement at a time or in a context that was completely different than my usual pattern. I wasn't pondering, praying, reading...I was just going about my day. A physical desire was eliciting a spiritual response. Mychel-Anne shared how it became a way for her "open her mouth". Her item for lent was soda. So when someone would offer her some she'd say, "No, thank you." When they'd question her, she'd explain about our Easter preparations and lent. Some responded as I did to my sister, Kathy, but for her the power was in starting a spiritual discussion.

While there are things I miss about having a home full of little ones, I am so honored to be the mother of these three teenagers/young adults. They are valiant spirits figuring out this earthy journey. I pray we've done enough. I pray they know how much they are loved. I pray they know how much we love the Savior. The atonement and Resurrection mean everything to me. While I cherish each day, each moment with these children that are growing way to fast. I long for the day when our family is all together again. I yearn to sit at the Heavenly table with NO Empty Chairs!

Painting progressing

Quick update. Will is still working his way around the kitchen painting the inside of the cupboards. We have to wait at least 2 weeks for them to dry. We're on the last set.

We need to get Zac the orange paint for this feature wall. Maybe we'll finish before the end of April. Cross your fingers for us!

As for Mychel's room. Umm, it's on the list ? ;D

Paint on!

So, over a year ago we shuffled rooms and Zac got to move into Mychel's big room. He's thrilled. He's easy going. He's patient. It's purple! We've promised to paint it soon but life kept happening. Now Mychel's home to prepare for a mission, the stars have aligned...I think, I hope it may become earth tones over the next week. They are currently at home depot getting the primer...we're gonna need a lot!

 They're going to start with the bathroom:

sorry for such a dark picture but they'd turned off the breaker before they left, so no light and I was way to lazy to walk all the way downstairs to turn it back on and then trudge back up just for a picture. Trust me the walls are PURPLE  and you can tell how bright the top border is...my son deserves a medal!
                                                             During and after photos to come!
                                        (If you're lucky maybe even a few more befores with LIGHT!

Marvelous Monday!

We are home.

He is recovering.

I can't stop
starring at him, 

rubbing his hair, 

continually saying prayers of gratitude and thanksgiving!

Today, so far he's eaten:

candy

yogurt

ice cream

homemade turkey soup

cake

nachos

candy

bacon (more on that in a minute)

and our 100% outdoors cat has spent a great deal of time curled out on him or near him

Yup, I'm a softie!

If he wasn't so big and it wouldn't kill him

I'd spend the day with him cuddled on my lap.

I left him alone for about an hour this morning..

while I picked up my sweet Coates' twin and ran a few errands

(I only called him once to check on him...)

Dr's for a prescription

Dropped off prescription

Picked up Gary's shirts

Grabbed a few things at the grocery store

After a pretty quiet afternoon some dear friends brought our bacon order 

while I was in the middle of making dinner.

(It arrived Friday and they generously picked it up and stored it for us)

So in the last couple of hours: 

4 pounds: cooked, chopped and frozen

18 pounds: divided into pound or pound and a half packets and frozen

nearly 8 lbs left to process....tomorrow is another day...

Now I think I'll go sit near my cherished, recovering son 

While I think of my beloved son, whose's spending his birthday in heaven, again

and wait for my treasured son to arrive home from golf

as I look forward to my angel daughter coming home tomorrow!
Life is good!

We have people

Sometime during all the Christmas driving Zac began to complain about his back hurting. Truthfully we didn't pay him much attention. As January wore on and he continued to let us know about the pain we started to look into taking him to a Chiropractor. Our every effort was thwarted. Then at a Dr's visit Gar decided to just get our Dr's thought on it. It was his last appointment on a Friday.  We were able to schedule an appointment for Zac on Monday. That just doesn't happen here. He was concerned enough after seeing the X-ray to suggest an MRI. Once again we'd been his last appointment of the day.

The next morning before 9 am I received a call letting me know they'd scheduled an MRI for that evening. All day the spirit whispered me that this was serious, but that he would be ok. Fast forward to the MRI results...no tumor. I started breathing again. We were then scheduled to see an Neurosurgeon. I should have realized that was a clue to how serious it was but everyone kept saying...rehab...14 year olds don't' have back surgery. So, I thought that was what the warning was about...so he didn't start track practice and we could limit what he did so he didn't make his back worse.

Fast forward to a week later. Tuesday afternoon Zac and I sat in shock as the surgeon showed us his MRI and explained that he was amazed Zac hadn't already experienced nerve damage due to the ruptured disc pressing on his spinal nerves. The risk of paralysis, permanent nerve damage etc was so great that surgery was really our only option. I felt like I was in a tunnel I could hear and see the dr talking but it seemed far away...

How can my healthy, active, skin and bones 14 year old baby need back surgery? How can I say, Yes? What do I do? My mind was reeling...and then I knew. I knew why I'd received such a clear warning. I knew why we had been moved through dr's and tests so quickly and I knew Heavenly Father had placed us exactly where we should be. I had the ultimate second opinion! So while I was still freaking out inside, I did have peace, as opposite as those sound.

As we were waiting to meet with the surgery nurse I was texting Gary, Mychel and Helena and Steve...my people. From there they reached out to their people and within a couple of hours Gar and I had 3rd, 4th and 5th opinions. It was such a tender mercy to know that surgeons who work with him say he's the best man for the job, to have our Dr say if it were his son he'd do what we are doing, to know that our friend's company will have their best man monitoring Zac's nerve functions in his legs. The list goes on and on.

It is humbling to see the love, time and care those around of have shown as they've done all they can to use their resources to reassure, get us info and comfort us as we prepare for tomorrow morning. No matter when you read this please keep us in your prayers. It's going to be a long recovery and it's vital that he is able to heal completely so he doesn't have life long complications...gratefully he's not a toddler I have to keep still, but I'm not sure how much easier it's going to be for an active teenage boy...

I've had a testimony that our Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ, know us individually. I know they hear our prayers, but each time I see their hands in our lives I am always humbled and my knowledge is strengthened. As with Nathan, I say, if it is not to have the cup removed then we will submit and hold on to thee with both hands. We will look for the blessings and miracle and have faith when it seems dark and we feel lost and alone. I know He has people watching over us, on both side of the veil.

Short version

Once again I haven't made time to update our family blog. It seems we are either too busy living our lives or life is too boring and I've got nothing to say. Quick catch up:

Fall/Halloween: 

we had great fun with pumpkins-

getting them on our traditional day Oct 10th, 

decorating them and then making our pumpkin puree for the first time.

Thanksgiving: 

delicious food with great friends.

much to be grateful for.

Christmas:

drive to NYC to meet up with Mychel

visit with Gary's family

Philly

DC and then

Savannah the first week of January

If the stars align I'll add pictures...

I want my missing muffin!

I love when I use a coupon on a sale item...it makes my day. What does not make my day is when I discover sneaky manufacturers trying to deceive/trick their customers.  So after getting a great deal, I was excited to try this new muffin mix until I read down to the yield!

11....11...seriously 11 muffins? 

Did they start making muffin pans with 11 cups?

Are we changing the number in a dozen?

Did they really think we wouldn't notice?

I want my missing muffin!

Needless to say we will no longer be buying this brand...no matter the sale and/or coupon!

August brought a birthday and a new driver

Will was very excited to turn 15 but I think his dad was just as excited. It fell to me to take him to the drivers license bureau. I'd forgotten about having to take two test so I wasn't stressed until he'd gone off to take them...I knew he'd been studying the drivers handbook but Will and tests don't go that well together. Needless to say when they told him he'd passed we were both ready to do a happy dance!

All those years of mowing the lawn with the riding lawn mower have paid off....he was a good driver from the get go!

And now nearly two months later I've got to admit I like having a personal driver!

I'm loving Pinterest and my family is benefitting

So far we've had some yummy new dinners.

I've organized all my craft stuff so I can get creative.

I've decorated for fall.

I've saved money by getting ideas for using things I already have.

and 

I made this:

with the twins and Mr C for their parents...so they think I rock!

Yes, dolly I made you one too but you have to come home to pick it up ;D

Sorry the picture is so crappy...Gary took the camera to work so all I had was my iPhone.

Whew...that was a much longer break than expected!

Life got crazy here for awhile.

We had so many wonderful experiences the end of April/first of May with the rededication activities for the Atlanta Temple. Our stake was assigned to work the last day of the open house. We waited for Mychel to come home so we could all go through the open house together. It was a day I will always treasure.

         
     After months of practice it was finally time for the cultural celebration the night before the re-dedication. After practicing for hours the day before and another long hot Georgia day of practicing, waiting and finally performing the day of....Will summed up the experience when he said, "I wish we could practice for just one more day!" The blessing of having all of the youth together was immeasurable and then add the opportunity to perform for the prophet. Will took the above picture with his iPod touch....he was that close!

Tornados had ripped through the south just before the re-dedication affecting many in our temple district. Just a day after the dedication we got word that we were needed go to the rescue and help in affected areas. It would be over Mother's day weekend. After having the spirit and blessings poured out so abundantly of course the answer was a quick and resounding YES! The devastation was unimaginable.

Then we had an end of the year band concert....











and a Court of Honor where I became the mom of two life scouts!

Then the arrival of  The Coates twins.

And that was all just the month of May....I didn't even mention the weekly knife making classes and track.

Then the boys first EFY, Youth Conference and LDS/BSA encampment kept us on the go this summer.

 

Before we knew it summer was over and school was starting. I'm so grateful they had a summer full of experiences that helped them put on their spiritual armor in preparation for HIGH SCHOOL! Holy cow...ready or not...here it comes!

In March the date for the rededication of the Atlanta Temple and cultural celebration was announced and the craziness began. It goes without saying we were thrilled. It's been nearly two years, about a year longer than they originally estimated, not to mention the opportunity for our boys and the youth of all the stakes in our temple district. At times we wondered how we get everything done we needed to, how everything would come together, how we could afford all the travel and accompanying expenses.
 Then add:

 Stake scouting training I was in charge of putting together

  Zac and his track practices and meets,

 fund raising for boy scout camp, 

Gary still working out of town, 

attending a different unit in the stake each Sunday as part of my stake calling, 

Gary helping with BSA training,

a baby shower to put on for two dear friends

RS dutch oven evening activity at our home

Gary getting an terrible bacterial infection that put him down for over a week...it was BAD!

supporting the boys with their egg and yard businesses

all while working around weekly practices as well as stake practices for the cultural celebration

training for working the openhouse

oh and making the costumes...

I admit it was hard, at time, to keep perspective. I began to only focus on the next event. That was a blessing when we found out we have roots that have compromised a pipe in the slab under our house (oh and also the main pipe leading to the septic tank, out back.) When the plumber hands you an estimate with that many digits it pretty much sends you into shock! I had to make a choice to let the news overshadow all the joy and excitement or make the choice to schedule my breakdown until after the temple dedication.

I know our sacrifices and trial are nothing compared to the pioneers but it has tested our faith, our strength and our focus and given us the opportunity to see the Lord's hand in our lives, draw closer together and put the Lord first!

Teenagers...the source of insanity

Let me set the scene. 

It's  about 4:15 pm on a beautiful,  almost spring in the south, afternoon.

My M-F  3 yr old side kick is riding his tricycle up and down our sidewalk. 

I'm sitting on the front porch watching him.

Fourteen yr old has just exited the school bus and is walking up the drive. 

He says and I quote:

"Don't tell me you're really sitting outside."

I reply in my oh so kind motherly voice:

"Cully wanted to ride his bike, so of course I'm out here with him."

Then he says...are you ready for this:

"You could have said that."

Is it any wonder parents of teenagers are all a little crazy?
Please tell me it's not just us!

Open my EYES!

2nd Kings 6

15 And when the servant of the man of God was risen early, and gone forth, behold, an host compassed the city both with horses and chariots. And his servant said unto him, Alas, my master! how shall we do?

 16 And he answered, Fear not: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them.

 17 And Elisha prayed, and said, Lord, I pray thee, open his ^aeyes, that he may see. And the Lord opened the eyes of the young man; and he saw: and, behold, the mountain was full of horses and ^bchariots of fire round about Elisha.

 I love this scripture. It's easy to get overwhelmed with life and forget...

forget who we are,

who our King is,

and that we are never, ever have to do it alone...WE HAVE AN ARMY!

Worth the risk

Mom's of teenage boys will understand, while they don't have the hormone up and down issues of girls they do have a code of silence that must be adhered to or you risk all communication being shut off for an indefinite length of time.So sharing the joy and gratitude I feel for my sons, is a risk, but hey every once in awhile you've got to walk on the wild side, right? but shhhh don't tell them about it if you see them. ok!

Last night my boys went to their first church dance. Big, Big Deal!

(total bonus: it was multi-stake!)

Both were nervous, but very excited.

Gary had to go as leader and ever so sweetly asked me to come too.

The boys were fine with that (thankfully)

We set the standard that they had to dance with 3 different girls they didn't know.

They were not thrilled with this, but we stood firm and they negotiated a no teasing zone in return.

Half way through the dance they both sought us out to tell us they'd danced with over 10 different girls.

Zac even won a candy prize for dancing with the most girls.

They were having the time of their lives.

On the way home they proudly let us know they danced with around 18 girls each.
Then...then.. they started telling us different things about the girls they'd danced with.

"A lot of them like to run", says Zac, our runner

"The girls were a lot like me", says Will. "They like the same things I like."

and it went on and on.

It was truly one of those moment where your heart is so full you could burst.

Where you look at these children who you love but sometimes make your head want to explode

and you think

I really, really like you!

You are the kind of person I want to be around!

and it makes everything

all the long nights

all the hard converations

all the tears and frustration

worth it

because these children are become amazing adult.

They are choosing to sons of a Heavenly Father who loves them.

You glimpse the missionaries they will become

and my heart cried out in a silent prayer of thanksgiving

to a loving Heavenly Father who loves them even more than we do!

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

for letting us be their parents.

It is an honor and a privilege and I am humbled to my core.

Message recieved...

Today's scripture is Leviticus19:17 ¶ Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart: thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy neighbour, and not suffer sin upon him.
18 ¶ Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself: I am the Lord.

 So, it's been a difficult holiday and I haven't always had the right attitude. Don't you just love when Heavenly Father sends you a personal message in a book written thousands of years ago?

Our Christmas in 3 photos

 December 25

December 26

I'm reading the bible in 90 days

Just a couple of days into the new year I found the blog Mom's Toolbox. Without much thought I just decided to join in. I've never done anything like this before. I know I've read the Old Testament before, but it was way to long ago for me to actually remember it (high school was a lifetime ago).I do remember the new testament, but that was a long time ago too.

Occasionally I'll share a scripture that caught my heart.
Today's scripture is from Moses 40:15 And thou shalt anoint them, as thou didst anoint their father, that they may minister unto me in the priest’s office: for their anointing shall surely be an everlasting priesthood throughout their generations.

Thinking about my sons, especially Nathan, I hold tightly to God's promises!

Pink Miracle

and I don't even like pink,

but my daughter does.

We moved her stuff out of her big room 

and into her little brother's small room.

It's traumatic to lose your "place" in your home

but she was pretty good about it

One request was to paint it pink and brown.

We only had time to paint a shelf pink.

And the pink paint we had was this:

From another pink painting adventure a few years ago.

Now she wanted a light, more mature pink.

She couldn't find her paint chip to show me the color 

So I just started mixing.

And I came up with this:

After we were done she found the chip

Not bad, huh!

 

I know it's not earth shattering or life changing, 

but it made a difference to us.

 Some may say it's just luck, but I know better.

 

I believe it's vital to acknowledge the tiny miracles, so

Thank you Heavenly Father 

  for our pink miracle.

 

(ps these pictures brought to you by my Christmas present from my adorable husband and angel daughter..he bought it, but she found it for him to buy)